Today! I caused my anxiety. Sometimes writing things down is a blessing. Other times it causes me to feel overwhelmed. Why? And what can I do?

This weekend was filled with Halloween decorating. I am in the zone and I love the feeling of my home. Sections of my home are filled with a theme and I love it. Now, I have more and more ideas that I am combing through. Skeletons were an idea. More spiders was another. I decided I needed more witch stuff, and I will try to make my own witch. Yippie! Well, the problem is I have other responsibilities, and chores, like the dreaded laundry! Ew. Dinner! Who needs to eat? I have other projects that I want to complete. I have my cross stitch, my granny squares, and a dog crochet project I am working on. I have books I want to read. This feeling that I am having is like a million people shouting at you to complete these tasks now. Therefore, I write it all down, so that I cannot forget, which leads to this crazy feeling. Then I do not know where to begin, and I end up doing nothing until the anxiety subsides on its own. Then I feel like I wasted time, and I feel guilty and shame, which begins another crazy cycle.

Time is a hard thing for myself to operate under. Deadlines freak me out, but are also good to have. It feels overwhelming to keep a strict time schedule, so I do not do it. Things always last longer or shorter than I anticipate. Being on time drives me nuts, and I end up doing nothing waiting for the time I have to be present somewhere. I also forget drive times or waiting times to add to any process. Then I forget I do have to eat, which leaves me less time to accomplish tasks. Time! is my arch nemesis. And all this time I thought it was stairs.

I am still learning about my cues. Not everything works out as it should. Getting to the gym doesn’t always work. What I found out this weekend is…drumroll please….that my noise canceling headphones help lower my anxiety. It reduces noise, which lowers anxiety, but my home was quiet at these moments. Maybe a bird was singing. I placed the headphones on anyways, and I instantly took a deep breath. Maybe, canceling a sensory from creating stimulus helped me calm down. Maybe, it somehow caused the chaos consuming my head to shut up. I do not know! But I am glad that I tried it.

Keep trying new things, even if they sound crazy. Something out there is going to help you with you anxiety and ADHD.